


How Deadpool found out Spiderman's secret identity, and they went to live happily ever after, depending on the weather

by Pandalone



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: A lil' bit of language - Freeform, Humor, M/M, mention of grief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-01 09:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16762882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandalone/pseuds/Pandalone
Summary: Like most crazy things in life, it started out pretty innocently.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys!  
> So this is not my first fanfic, but it's the first ever to get posted for the whole world to see.  
> English is not my first language and this work is unbetaed, so feel free to correct me in the comments if you see anything wrong.  
> Little warning: I just had a sudden burst of inspiration and had to start writing this, but although I have an idea of where I want this to go, this is very much a Work In Progress.  
> I hope you'll have as much fun reading this as I had writing it!
> 
> Disclaimer: This work obviously does not belong to me.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Panda.

Like most crazy things in life, it started out pretty innocently. 

Peter was out of underwear. How ridiculous was that? Oh well, that pretty much summed up his life nowadays. That's what happened when you washed your clothes in crappy public washing machines, and wore said clothes to the thread to start with. It's not like Peter could afford new ones very often anyways.  
So here Peter was, not one intact piece of fabric to cover his buttocks, and already late for meeting Aunt May for their evening meal. No way in hell was he going commando. Although May would have no way to know, Peter would. And he would feel like a mortified pervert the whole time. This definitely qualified as a life or death emergency and justified sacrificing a few precious dollars.  
Swiftly putting the rest of his clothes on, he rushed to the closest store still open. 

He was grabbing a couple of black boxers with the smallest number on the price tag when his eye caught a flash of bright colour a couple of rows down. A feeling of imminent doom filled his stomach as he made his way to the aberration. As if in a dream, Peter saw fingers that did not feel his own anymore pick up the taunting article from the shelf. 

Many people knew of Spiderman, few knew of his identity, and absolutely no one knew of his dark, dark trade secret. That is that underneath the tight fitting red and blue costume, normal underwear was a nightmare. The kind that woke you up at night screaming with rage and frustration. Hence...thongs.  
Like the one staring tauntingly at him right now. Litteraly. He was already hating himself a little for it, but had known he was lost the second the black logo on bright blood red had hit his eye. No way was he leaving without it, this was too precious.  
No one would know anyway. Just one more dirty secret on his long list that would likely destroy his life if it were to ever get out. Same old, same old. 

Without even checking the price, which showed just how much Peter had lost his sanity, he paid for his three new pairs of pants and hurriedly exited the store, slightly red around the ears. Using the closest public bathroom, he quickly put on one of the plain ones and went on to have a fantastic time with his aunt, stuffing the ill-advised acquisition at the bottom of his backpack and deeply in a corner of his mind, hoping to forget about it. 

And so it started. 

Had he known the consequences he probably would've gone commando. But life is a bitch and hindsight really is 20/20.


	2. Chapter 1

Thank you so, so, much for the kudos. It really boosted my confidence and motivated me to keep on writing this story.  
Hope you like this chapter :)

_Two years ago._

Chimichangas.

That’s what he was supposed to be doing, right now. Or eating, rather. That’s what you did with those, you ate them, right? Although chimichangas were hot and sexy, and there would be no shame in wanting to do them. Shame was bad and he did not condone it. Wade Wilson was not into discrimination, he was a very kind and open minded person, thank you very much. It came with being Canadian born and bred, having seen pretty much all there was to see of the world and humanity, being dead a few billion times over, and having been through the longest dry spell imaginable.

When was the last time he had seen a naked body that wasn’t his own monstrosity? When had he last seen a naked shoulder even? Or even a toe? Probably since his actual last shag, which he very much did not think about, because that would involve actively remembering Vanessa and he did not think about her. Ever. Or her laugh. He definitely did not reminisce about her round shoulders and never, never did he remember her tasty toes with a twinge of nostalgia and a hole in his chest.

He was very familiar with excruciating pain. They were practically besties by now, but even he had his limits, it would seem. Because yes, thinking about her was bloody fucking painful.

He was digressing now. The question that really bore contemplating was, was he desperate enough to get it on with yummy yummy chimichangas? Chimichangas were hot stuff in their own way after all. Did we mention that Wade Wilson was not into discrimination? He should really put that on a T-shirt sometime.

The big problem was that, as much as he wanted to elucidate that mystery about himself, he simply couldn’t just now. He was currently too busy beating the crap out of some random shitbag, because, reasons, to go on a journey of self-discovery. A very loud shitbag, might he add. At this rate, all of New York would be there to watch the show, and though Deadpool rarely gave two shits about discretion, tonight discretion would have been nice. He was just not in the mood for dealing with more people than strictly necessary.

Today was the anniversary of the day he purposefully did not think about, (Vanessa's stupid, stupid death, that was all his stupid stupid fault) and it was bad enough he had to deal with this squealy individual tonight of all nights.

“Hey! You there!”

The universe however, as it had proven his whole life so far, just plain hated his ass, and went to prove it again. Someone just _had_ to butt in.

Wade sighed in his mask, raising his face to the sky. Weirdly enough, that’s where the voice had come from.

“Yeah, you! The spooky Santa Claus! Don’t you have better things to do, like terrorizing a band of house-elves with socks, or whatever it is you creepy Father Christmases do for fun?”

Wade barely had time to blink. One second he was getting ready to retort, the next his mind imploded for a short while. It was a shame, because it would have been one hell of a retort too. Something furious and witty, about how _yes_ he had better things to do, but alas, you didn’t always choose your path in life, and who in hell made Harry Potter quips anymore? Was he some kind of geek and where did he lose his dignity?

Oh, and his costume did _not_ make him look fat!

But then the mysterious smart-ass jumped with a showy somersault and did the only thing that could have redeemed him in Wade’s eyes on such a shitty day: a perfectly executed super-hero landing. He even managed to throw in a quick kick at Deadpool’s head, so powerful it sent the mercenary crashing into the filthy brick wall on the other side of the street.

Just like that, staring at the tight ass in blue spandex, with his head reeling, Wade knew he was in love. Again.

Fuck his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more or less AU, since I’m not at all familiar with the original Marvel’s comic universe, although I'm trying to stick to the MCU universe. This story takes place a few years after Infinity Wars 2, after, by some unknown miracle yet unknown until the film comes out in theatres, the world goes back to how it’s supposed to be. Meaning with our beloved Spiderman in it, and our very crazy but also very beloved Deadpool still doing his thing but perhaps also maturing a little.


End file.
